Living Well, a Holistic Approach Part 2
MENTAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE
In discussions on health and fitness, the physical usually is emphasized. But in this country where incivility, fractious behavior, widespread depression, diminishing hope, despair over our leadership, and the lingering effects of a pandemic pervade our lives, considerations of psychological and mental balance must take primary place.
I am using the word “perspective” rather than “health” because it carries more breadth and depth. Mental health implies a disease process to be avoided or treated. The term is used frequently to describe our society, but it actually refers to psychological balance. That is the meaning we use here. It embraces the cognitive, the emotional, and the sense of well-being that we all strive to retain and manage. It encompasses outlook on life, the problem of ennui, one’s personal view of our position in society or the world, and essentially, our sense of just who we are. If that balance is tipped too much, so as to enter into clinical depression, then the term mental health is justified. That is a disease process that requires therapy of one type or another. Most of us do not require this but all of us are working to maintain a balance that gives us personal meaning and self-worth. I see these as different concepts, but they could be viewed as a continuum where mental illness is at the far end. The vast majority lives in the grey area near the middle of that line.
This is of particular importance in older persons where feelings of self-worth tend to decline as physical and mental capacities decline. The obviousness of approaching decrepitude and death colors our lives. When this is added to the social, political, and economic issues of the day, perspective becomes increasingly important.
The ideal state of mind.
My life experiences include a long sojourn in the study of martial arts. Those who have studied these arts know that they are not so much about fighting as about introspection and self-control. There is a Zen saying in karate-do: mizu no kokoro, which translates as “mind like water.” There is more than one way to think about it, but the meaningful view is to think of the mind, in its basal state, as still and quiet. In this condition, it will recognize the slightest disturbance - as a lake recognizes a pebble thrown into the water- respond in a controlled and appropriate manner, and then return to quiet and watchful normalcy. Like water, it can conform to any space or situation, and is capable of rapid and vigorous action. But its natural state is to be calm and aware. The best karate adepts are completely calm during a sparring match and, as a result, can read the opponent’s mind and anticipate movements. I have used this in sparring matches and also in business and board meetings to the same good effect. In my last kumite (sparring match), I was 66 years old and my opponent was 21; we both held the rank of third-degree black belt. We were closely matched but I won, not because I was technically better but due to a calm state of mind and self-control. I later decided that was a good time to quit and did so.
Your mind after watching the news.
The same calming perspective applies to everyday life. Keep the water that is your mind quiet - limit the input by avoiding most of the news; no arguments; no rushing around; no disputations; avoid negative people. Instead, listen to the news there is in silence. Be detached from the present but aware of it - like the lake that responds even to a pebble and then returns to a calm state. There is a Zen saying that captures this and I recommend it to you: See everything but look at nothing. It has wide application. In a kumite, watch all of your opponent, not the hand or the foot or the face. If you are focused on the opponent’s hands, you will not see the kick coming. In the boardroom, pay attention to the speaker and listen to the message, but watch everyone around the table for their reactions and body language. This applies to any discussion group. In the news, listen to the story but do not be caught up in its emotion. Place it in context of the commonweal and assign it corresponding importance. The local and regional disasters that are given much coverage are just that- local and regional. How do they fit in the context of the world and of your world? That context will determine your state of mind and allow you to remain calm or to take directed and appropriate action. Mizu no kokoro.
This may require a change in your approach to life. The most direct argument for making that change is that after seventy, you have an abbreviated, yet unknown, period of life. How do you want to spend it? There are books written on this, but you need only to look inside yourself. It will tell you, but it requires quiet and that quiet state of mind. This is meditation, but not Meditation. The latter implies a system, a ritual, a focus, etc. It becomes something you must do every day – a task. You do not need more tasks. Instead, empty your mind.
I prefer the Scandinavian system. The Nordic countries generally top the World Happiness Report – yes, there is such a thing – despite long, cold winters and snow. They seem to have a balanced approach to life that promotes a sense of well-being. One of the things they do, Gokotta, is to wake up in the morning and go outside to experience whatever is there. It may be birds singing, an ocean moving, mountains standing still, or your own familiar yard or courtyard. It does not matter what, it is simply the quiet contemplation of the morning. I have done this for some time and find it restorative. It is not done at a certain time, in a certain way, or as an obligation. It is not a ritual. It may be done with or without coffee or tea or for thirty seconds or fifteen minutes. The point is to absorb the calm of early morning and become part of the new day. This translates into a calm mind that is the prerequisite for mental and psychological health.
Psychological health and fitness are important considerations in retirement, and particularly after seventy. One can have this even without complete physical health, given an accepting attitude and an intention to make the most of whatever situation one has. This is when you must understand that your self-worth resides in who you are rather than in what you do – or did. This actually was true all your life, but it probably was never recognized. Now you must not only believe it, but you must analyze it and decide who you really are. It is this person who will take you through the remaining years, and you must identify with that person. There is nowhere to go when you wake up each day and nowhere to be but inside yourself. Or, as Oscar Wilde put it: “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”
This new person must do something. All our lives we do things, and often they consume us. The important consideration here is the substitution of new interests for old. The new interests may or may not make any money, but they must keep your mind meaningfully occupied with things that have value to you and not simply something to fill the day. We all have a desire to contribute to society, but after seventy it becomes increasingly difficult to do so. Societies are managed by younger people and they do not feel the need to draw upon your experience – despite the fact that it may benefit them. You must look inside yourself to create meaning in your life. That meaning will be enhanced if the activity benefits others as well.
Establish a pattern of living that encompasses this new state of life. It must provide satisfaction and be enjoyable or it will not be sustained. The new or modified living pattern should include psychological, cognitive, and physical components, all of which reinforce the concept of the value of “self.” The possibilities are endless: some will want to find another job (try to avoid this); others will take up a hobby that has been delayed for years; spiritual renovation may be important for some; volunteer work is undertaken by many, and our society could not function without them; others will re-engage with life on basic levels (coffee with old friends) or engage in politics in a laudable but futile attempt to improve our collective situation; still others write (Ahem!). I recommend two outlets that have worked well for me: the mastering of an activity that demands dedication and mental focus, and volunteer work, for which the opportunities are endless.
About twelve or so years ago, I was walking through our local senior center when I passed a sign that said “Woodshop” and, yielding to the impulse, I went in. The place was filled with veteran woodworkers and, as men usually are, they were polite but not effusive. Let us call it a reserved welcome. First, I had to pass a test, and that test was conversation and query until a judgement could be made as to whether I was there to show off or to actually learn how to do woodworking. When it became clear that it was the latter, there was rapid acceptance, and everyone was willing to teach something. Over time, I developed an interest and a certain talent and began to create various objects. There was a mercifully brief period when many bowls were turned on the lathe and given as Christmas presents. Then, as the quality and my ability improved, serious requests began to come in for particular items and even pieces of furniture. The process has been fulfilling, and I have advanced from an amateur woodworker to be a woodshop Supervisor.
The activity you undertake should stem from a desire to be of continuing value to oneself and society – in a larger or smaller context. So, it should not be just time-filling. I have described an example; there are many others. If you have wanted to write, do so but approach it in an organized and studious manner. You probably will not write the great American novel, but the occasional publication of something you penned will give much satisfaction. If you managed a business, use that experience to manage a community activity – but do not try to run everything. Gardening is a popular and fulfilling activity and can be pursued casually or with religious zeal. I have created a xeriscape, Japanese Zen garden in an area that formerly held bushes and plants that needed more water. There are many possibilities.
Volunteering is a cliché, but it is of enormous value in our society and you will not appreciate that value until you become involved in some aspect of it. Creating a list here is pointless, there are many opportunities within churches, local community centers, schools, underprivileged or financially disadvantaged groups, and disasters. There are many of the latter: you have noticed that our country is plagued with floods, wildfires, tornados, etc. All of these need workers to help governments reorganize and restore the community.
Again, an example: food share operations. There are many – more than you know, especially post-COVID. In one of the richest societies in the world, we have many who do not have enough to eat. There are organizations that address this, and they function largely with volunteers. I have spent about a decade doing this on a weekly basis and have put my fluency in Spanish to good use. Help out your fellow humans. You will perform a wonderful service and probably bring long forgotten talents to the task.
Any of these changes in lifestyle require some sort of order in your life. If you do not go out of the house, that is fine. However, you should have a schedule of some type. Get up each morning at about the same time; dress as though you might meet some friends for lunch – no house slippers or pajamas all day; manage whatever tasks there are to maintain the home. Even if you live in an independent living facility there will be something - make your bed, keep your apartment in pristine condition. Make certain there are social contacts each day, telephone, email, or personal. Some regular exercise is important now and if you can do it with friends, so much the better. Pay close attention to food and alcohol intake. You will need less of both as you age. The tendency is to take more of both. Supplant those tendencies to eat and drink with exercise and mental tasks that are rewarding. If you maintain psychological fitness, mental and physical fitness are easier. If you do not, you risk deterioration into physical and mental obesity.
If you have a psychological issue that has bothered you, accept it because it is what it is. Which translates as: you are who you are, and you are where you are. Probably neither of these will change, so accept them and work within them. If there are things to fix in your behavior, work on them in the context of seeking a quiet life and mind. If this requires professional help, then seek it and make peace with yourself. This is your last chance for a satisfying life, and this opportunity will end in the not too distant future… mizu no kokoro.