Living Well, a Holistic Approach Part 1
Exploring the Future
This first section is designed for people who are older and reconsidering their lives. The principles apply to any adult who is adjusting to a crisis - perhaps not a last act, but a change in the story line of the play. The thinking processes are similar. If you are older, what follows applies directly; if younger, adjust the specifics to fit your situation. In any event, read on. The subsequent four sections explore some specifics of mental, psychological, and physical well-being.
How do I play the next act? Hint: abandoning your responsibilities and becoming a hedonist or doing something ridiculous is not the answer. You have a network of family, friends, work, and social acquaintances acquired over time. That is your world. Maintain and nurture it. It will sustain you during the coming years. What we will do here is investigate your answer to the question “What should I do with whatever time remains? Can I improve and exploit the mind and machine that I use every day and have served me so well for three score and ten years?” You have the freedom to explore this now, perhaps for the first time.
At any nexus in life we all need some advice. In older age it may mark the completion of a life largely devoted, directly or indirectly, to others. Yet we probably have a fair amount of time remaining. What to do at this juncture? This is not about the rite of passage from an existence built around a career but rather the right way to passage from that career to something better. You do not need a self-help book, you say; neither did I. Anyone who reaches this time and still needs a self-help book has bigger problems than we can manage here. Nor is this about the transition into retirement. You may have entered that state some years back in your sixties or are doing it now. That transition is a psychological issue that takes about two years to solve. That was my experience and that of several of my friends. We are not concerned with that transition, but rather the stark reality of the beginning of the last act. How to play that last act so that we manage it and not allow it to manage us?
If you are somewhat younger and have experienced a disruption in your life or career, the effect can be overwhelming. The path of life often is anything but that. It is rather a series of twists and turns, some expected but most not. One spends much of life reacting or defending. It is not a peaceful existence…but you can make it so if you restore your balance and perspective. Easier said than done, since you must get back on track and earn the funds needed to fulfill your responsibilities. But which track, your current track or something new? Your age and circumstances will play a large role in this, as will your state of mind. Mental health and psychological balance are the only things that will give you the perspective to make important choices and then to follow through on them. The answer may be to double down and continue on your previous track, or a change may be in order. If the latter, the new course should be something that draws upon all your previous experience and not a new venture for which you are unprepared.
Most of us have a plan and intend to work right up until the moment of death so society would have the benefit of our knowledge and experience. Charles de Gaulle’s comment is apposite here: “Cemeteries are filled with indispensable men.” I had an epiphany one spectacular morning while driving through northern Texas. I had successfully completed one job and was considering another. As I watched the sunrise on the mountains, it occurred to me that there was no reason to continue to work as I had been, and many reasons not to. If I continued in the same work mode, I would miss out on a wonderful time of life while still healthy enough to explore, expand, and enjoy, and have the time and wherewithal to do it. The result was I declined a very good job and shifted into another with some friends - but a new path that drew upon all of my past experience and also provided a salary immediately. At such a time, one does not throw away the past and rush off in a new direction, practicalities must be considered. The new venture did not pay as well as the job declined, but it did pay well enough to continue life on other terms and the difference was made up in time recovered and enhanced well-being. Make peace with your past and reorganize your perspective to take advantage of opportunities to come.
A word about the last act. The passage into the eighth decade is new and different for all of us – it is the first time we have been here. It is as though you pass through a door that closes out a more active previous life and forces you to look ahead at an unexplored, and unpredictable future. The eighth decade carries overtones of insidious mental and physical decline. There is the susurration of death in the distance. It is no longer a purely intellectual issue. Three rungs up on a stepladder somehow is higher than it used to be. Worse, people begin to help you without being asked. The wonderful physical machine that has served you so well begins to require more preventive maintenance and extra recovery time. It becomes clear that you are moving into a final phase with an inexorable outcome and, no matter the closeness or size of your family or friends groups, you face it alone. You are bringing it all together in your last act, and you should do it your own way. Rethink your yourself and be more parsimonious with your time so you will have more of it for exploration. But do not avoid or shirk your relationships with friends, family, and those who have helped sustain you thus far. You still need them and they need you, but the nature of the relationship has changed.
At age seventy, the percent survival in our population is about 75%. At age 80, it is about 50%. At age 90, it is about 10%. [Data taken from the Life Tables for the United States Social Security Area 1900-2100, Figure 5.] If you have made it to seventy, you probably do not have the serious diseases that took away the 25%. Those of us who make it to 70 have a good chance to become 80. The probability of becoming 90 is not as good but still there.
If you consider the average life expectancy at birth in the US, it was about 79 years in 2019 and now is about 76, due to the mortality increase from COVID and drug overdoses. That is a large decrease in two and a half years, and says something about our society, but it does not necessarily say anything about you. You are unique, in the sense of your physiology and psychology, your particular strengths and weaknesses, and your personal situation. You have more control over this than you think, even if you are managing a chronic illness. Even then, if you focus on life and what it can be, you can accept, manage, and live well with that burden. I have several friends who are doing just that, and all of us are doing it to some degree or other. Life is not perfect for anyone. Explore what is possible in the time that remains. We must examine how to reawaken what we have within us and determine how to put it to work.
“The Golden Years” is a much-overworked cliché, used more to advertise things to be purchased than anything else, but it also has the virtue of being true. The Golden Years actually can begin at any age, if your work/life balance is maintained and your perspective is unclouded. Mental and physical development, consistent with your present condition, can bring them about. Please read on.