In an off-and-on again quarantine, the coronavirus has forced us to confront the fact that a sense of self-worth and of purpose reside inside us and nowhere else. Both will decline, along with quality of life, unless we actively sustain these fundamentals.  The decline in self-worth may be more serious since the pandemic is manifestly out of our hands. The seriousness is underscored by the increase in suicides and domestic violence during the past year. The obviousness of infirmity and death colors our lives.

 Keeping one’s mind engaged is paramount to maintaining a sense of our own value. What you do should not be routine or trivial; it should have meaning and should exercise the mind. We know that the brain, even in older people, remains plastic and will create new circuits and associations in response to new stimuli. These stimuli should stress you a bit and require some persistence to learn.

·      Learn a new language. It will demand much but will be rewarding. I have resurrected my French and hope to use it.

·      Fix everything that is broken in your home or do that renovation.

·      Read some serious literature: I re-read Dante’s Divine Comedy, Camus’ Plague, and Hemmingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls but not Plato’s Republic – once was enough. Read the multifaceted history of our country in the 19th century; you will be both proud and shocked.

·      Learn a new physical skill that requires dexterity and focus – juggling, for example, or something that requires balance. Activate these new circuits in the brain.

·      Symphony orchestras have produced wonderful concerts on YouTube and elsewhere; same for plays and documentaries.

·      You have wanted to write; now is the time. 

 The spouse or partner are important. That person understands you, loves you, and will be an excellent source of support – as long as you are not hanging around too much. If you are a man, do not offer to reorganize the kitchen; if a woman, do not talk about going shopping together.  Change long-established patterns slowly. You could try talking together now that you are in the same building.  Learning something new together will give you both a shared sense of purpose and closeness.

 Your family will help you. Learn again who your children are, using Zoom, Facetime, or the telephone. They are in the same situation. It is a great use of time. I have had a good relationship with our children, but this pandemic has strengthened it. Our recent Christmas season was filled with masked visits to drop off presents; opening of presents on Zoom; more frequent phone calls about the season and the progress of grandchildren; many distanced driveway happy hours and discussions. The pandemic has become just one more crisis that we are surmounting as an extended family. 

 Conversations on Zoom and Facetime – the visual is important – are conversations with people who really care about you. Children, especially grandchildren, will be sources of strength and enjoyment. Grandchildren would love to spend time with you. You can teach them a great deal, and they will remember that you did. 

Close, or new, friends can serve the same purpose. Talk at a distance or through Zoom as you would if together. In the morning have coffee during the conversation; in the afternoon, a martini. We all are in this and we all know it. To express it is to share both the burden of the time and the joy of friendship.

A variation on new friends are websites designed to help us through this solitude. Two of the better known are Calm (calm.com) and myStrength (chcs.org). The former is for meditation and sleep; the latter is a behavioral health platform and is more clinical. (I have no relationship with either.) A mainstay site is www.linkedin.com which keeps you in touch with your professional friends. Instagram provides messages and photos from closer friends and family. WhatsApp, Email, and messages are for more personal contacts, individual and personal. These require some composition and are used when you have something to say. I do not recommend the ubiquitous Facebook and Twitter which, in my opinion, are consumed with the fleeting and the inconsequential.  

Establish a pattern of living that embraces your new state of life and provides a sense of purpose. It must accommodate any physical changes, provide satisfaction, and be enjoyable, or it will not be sustained. 

·      Take up a hobby that has been delayed for years; 

·      For some, spiritual renovation may be important; 

·      Volunteer work is undertaken by many, and our society could not function without them; there are people who could use your help;

·      Others will re-engage with life on basic levels (socially distanced coffee or lunch with old friends); visit the local Senior Center with its many activities; 

The possibilities are endless, but you must seek them, they will not find you.  

 Create order in your life.  It puts you in charge of rather than simply reacting to the situation. Even if you do not leave the house, you should have a schedule. 

·      Get up each morning at about the same time; dress as though you might meet friends for lunch; 

·      Manage whatever tasks there are to maintain the home – it is part of taking charge of your life. 

·      Have social contacts each day by making use of the above;

·      Exercise regularly or you will decline physically and mentally. Keep it simple and pace yourself: you are maintaining strength and flexibility, not building a physique. Do it earlier in the day when you have more energy.

·      Pay close attention to food and alcohol intake. You will need less of both; the tendency is to take more of both. Supplant those cravings with exercise and mental tasks that are rewarding. 

What we undertake to reinforce our sense of well-being and purpose is less important than the act of doing it. Engaging in mental, physical, and social activities will prevent physical and mental obesity and will carry us all through this adversity.